Happiness Is Wasted On Me

Happiness Is Wasted On Me

Cumbernauld was built to be the town of the future…that is, if the future looked like a really rubbish episode of Doctor Who. It’s also home to Walter Wedgeworth, a child stuck in a uniquely dysfunctional family controlled by the tyrannical Fishtank, whose CB Radio aerial is a metal middle finger to all the neighbours on Craigieburn Road. When 11-year-old Walter discovers the corpse of a baby inside a cardboard box, he resolves to ignore it, pretend it didn’t happen. But the child’s fate haunts Walter, bringing him into conflict with the world around him. Walter’s journey will lead him from childhood to adulthood; school, college, bereavement, Britpop, his first job, Blackpool, the Spice Girls, feuds with his neighbour, and finally…face-to-face with a child killer.

Taking place in the 90s, Happiness Is Wasted On Me is a genrefluid tale that spans a decade in the life of Walter. It’s a coming of age story, a family drama, a mystery, and a biting dark comedy. Ultimately, it’s the story of how even the strangest people can find their way in the world.


  • ISBN-10: 1912280353
  • ISBN-13: 978-1912280353


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Starrsha Glowglass is on the front page of every newspaper. She isn’t a model, Vlogger, or reality TV show contestant. Starrsha is famous for something darker: she survived a massacre that claimed her Brothers and Sisters.

Hers was no ordinary family. They were The Family Glowglass – a religious order set up by an eccentric businessman as a tax dodge. One morning the parishioners sat down to breakfast; most didn’t get back up.

Only Starrsha and her mute Brother, Simon, survived. Both now have a chance to lead an ordinary life. And for Starrsha, that means high school.

Can a videotape bring back the dead? What’s behind the red door? Why won’t Starrsha’s best friend reveal her true sexuality? When is a poster on a wall actually a trap? Will My Chemical Romance reform? Why is Father obsessed with vintage tech? Why does Barbie freak out Starrsha? How many rich husbands has Aunt Imelda bumped off? And why is God crank-calling Starrsha?

For Starrsha, the path to enlightenment is a one-way trip to murder and madness…

  • ISBN-10: 1910829250
  • ISBN-13: 978-1910829257



North Of Porter

Porter Cover launch3

Teenager Porter Minter arrives in Castlecrankie in a car that has no door handles. In the boot is a suitcase. In the suitcase is a boy. In the boy is the future and the past.

The Armpit of the Universe wasn’t Porter’s destination of choice, and he’s shocked by what he finds there. Teenagers are disappearing. JFK is skulking in the schoolyard. Crop circles are appearing.

Perhaps Porter and his scheming parents aren’t the town’s only new arrivals.

Armed only with a genuine designer bag and his razor-sharp wit, Porter sets out to confront evil…and look fabulous.

  • ISBN-10: 1910829005
  • ISBN-13: 978-1910829004



Endless Empress

Endless Empress FINAL front cover only

Over one thousand teenagers entered the school hall at 9am. But someone did not stick around for long… Enkadar is a nation without war, violence, disease or poverty. It is a glorious paradise.

There is only one problem with Enkadar: it doesn’t exist.

When a group of teenage misfits create a daydream kingdom to escape their humdrum lives, they accidentally set in motion a chain of events that leads to lunacy and murder. A reporter plots revenge in a grubby café. A crazy teenager is being pressured to slay a monster. The world’s worst poet writes the world’s worst poem. A nurse stuffs her pocket full of potatoes. Dragons wait at the edge of time, while a unicorn waits by the bingo. And why is the bus always in the wrong lane?

These strange events are all linked to the mysterious ruler of Enkadar. She is a genius, a goddess, a queen…and a murderer. She is The Endless Empress – and she is FOREVER.

  • ISBN-10: 1905537727
  • ISBN-13: 978-1905537723



Conjuring The Infinite


WINNER of the 2014 Catalyst Book Award. Madness. Magick. Murder. One Flew Over the Cuckoo s Nest meets I Know What You Did Last Summer. The Cottage is a care unit in the country for troubled teenagers who have been chewed up by the system. The residents are in mourning for the loss of one of their number – the dazzling and outwardly faultless Seth Kevorkian. After the funeral, they return to The Cottage to remember him. But when Mother leaves…the truth unfolds. For Seth was no ordinary teenager. He was a disciple of an ethereal power. And his fixation with Conjuring The Infinite drove him to terrible acts. It might even have driven someone to kill him.

A psychic is seeing visions of Armageddon. The Abomination upstairs wants to be fed. The rain seethes with life. And something moves in the shadows, hiding in the mirrors. Can the housemates trust what they see? Can they even trust each other?

The eyes of the sky have opened and looked into Seth s soul. The unearthly power of The Infinite has been invoked. And now The Ambassadors are on their way.

  • ISBN-10: 1905537077
  • ISBN-13: 978-1905537075