Greetings citizens! I’ve been so busy during World Book Day that I didn’t get a chance to blog properly, and my resolution for the year was to BLOG PROPERLY. I’m the fat dude who enrols at the gym only to leave early so I can have a KFC Zinger Tower Meal Buffet. And if you believe I’d enrol at a gym, then pat yourself on the back…and then slap yourself on the face. That would NEVER happen!
World Book Day doesn’t just last a day. It goes on for an entire week. By that logic Book Week Scotland should last for a month, but I’m highly regarded by librarians (so I’m told) in Scotland for my live events, so I’m usually busy during book themed celebrations. I refused to do any work on Tuesday, because Mortal Kombat XL was out. Isn’t that terrible? I sat in and played the PlayStation all day and night. It made me happy.
Wednesday saw me head down to a place called Moffat, a lovely Scottish town with a population of roughtly 2,500 and nearly 64 miles away from the nearest bus stop that I could use to reach it. Moffat Academy is literally unlike any school I’ve ever been to in my life. When I arrived, I was collected from the high street by a lovely librarian. The high street was full of shops such as MOFFAT TOFFEE, MOFFAT CAFE, or MOFFAT FABRICS. I didn’t see a single KFC. It worried me at first, until I remembered I was a vegetarian. The school is a massive superstructure, with the entire town’s youth inside. The library is large and spacious and even has a fish tank.
“A fish tank,” I gasped.
At one point a pupil came over to see the librarian. She asked: “Can we hang up the candles?” Everyone was so happy. Being cynical I was horrified by the idea of hanging candles. Of course they weren’t real. A classroom was being turned into a mini Hogwarts!
My event, in the Assembly Hall, was cracking. I sometimes wonder if my sense of humour – completely crackers – will translate in far flung places. But it did. Hurrah!
Thursday saw me head back to Dundee, which is a place I always enjoy visiting. There’s something very cool about Dundee. Bits of it remind me of Cumbernauld. The ugly bits. And they’re the best bits, the parts of the town with the most character. I ended up in Arthurstone Public Library.
The audience were probably terrified of the lunatic with the Colin Baker jacket (me) but they settled and eventually realised they were in the presence of a genius. I know, sometimes genius is subtle.
Gryffe High School is in a lovely affluent area. They sent a taxi to collect me like the star they know I am. The theatre in the school was a lovely atmospheric space. And it went really well. I didn’t use a microphone. I’m loud enough, and so is my hat.
When I got back home, it was to a stack of rewrites. You may have heard the recent news about me signing to the Annette Green Authors’ Agency (I still can’t believe it to be honest) so there’s a lot of work to be done. Another project I’m working on is Yay YA 2016. I’m still sorting that out for April with Cumbernauld Theatre.
If you have a chance, check out this guest blog I was asked to submit to the Society of Young Publishers a few weeks ago. You may enjoy it! There are other things in the pipeline that I can’t talk about…yet.
I have to go now because I’ve just been told that a new KFC has opened up down the road.