The Diary Of Doom!

Hello!  I know you’ve been asking yourselves, “What is Kirkland doing right now?”  It’s a good thing we have the interweb so you can come on here and check.  I’ve been busy.  Seriously busy!  I’m going to tell you what has been happening and (more important) what is about to happen.  The life of a cool YA author is very exciting.  I hope your brains are equipped to deal with the sensory overload of my (not very serious) diary.

Friday 27th September


God, this is f**king dreary.  I’ve been on this bus for a lifetime.  I deserve a free bus pass. 

(I think I scribbled GIVE ME MY BUS PASS on this page, but my handwriting is off the page thanks to the bus making a sudden swerve)

I’m off to Bo’Ness Academy for a school visit to promote my book.  Their librarian has asked me to discuss the glam life of an author. 


I lectured everyone about drug dealers, armed robbers and other such stuff.  They loved it.  I’m very creative.  Conjuring The Infinite was immediately taken out of the library by a new fan.  Hurrah!  “It’s a very scary book,” I told the teen.  “My life is very scary,” she replied, quickly.


I went to a bake sale which was held for charity.  I bought chocolate cake and eat the lot.  I’m such a grubber.

Sunday 29th September

I’m using my time in the cafe to write this quick entry!  Okay, I’ve met up with Mr and Mrs Morrison in Edinburgh to see a movie Mrs Morrison’s friend directed.  It’s called Ain’t Them Saints Bodies.  Casey Affleck wass very convincing as a drunken armed robber.  Or so I thought.  “He isn’t drunk,” Mrs Morrison said as she tried to hide her laughter,  “He’s playing a man from Texas.”  Well that’s mortifying.  Mrs Morrison is from Texas and she’s one of the sharpest girls I know.  Great movie, great performances, great cinematography.  Mrs Morrison’s friend will win a Best Director Oscar in the future.  I know he will.

We’re going to a Mexican food place to have nachos and an amazing dinner.


This is the worst place I’ve ever been to in my life – and I’ve been to the Kopper Kettle.  They had no nachos!  I mean…what sort of Mexican cafe doesn’t have nachos?  They served popcorn.  Popcorn tastes of shoe boxes.  I’ve never actually eat a shoe box, but I can imagine the horror.  I’m here scribbling furiously, but there is real sadness in my heart…or acid indigestion.  I haven’t worked it out yet.  Ugh.  We should have gone to Hey Sushi!

Tuesday 1st October

I’ve spent today organising How I Became Kirkland Ciccone which is being held at Airdrie Library.  It’s part of the Scottish Mental Health Arts and Film Festival.  I hope they don’t ask me about Casey Affleck.  I’m slightly anxious after one of the librarians told me that during a routine shelf check of the library…someone found an actual human poo sitting next to a book.  “I hope it wasn’t my book,” I told him jokingly.  ‘Jokingly’.  It wasn’t.  THANK GOD.  Let it be a James Patterson book instead!

Wednesday 3rd October

 A short entry today!  I spoke to my publisher and they’ve asked for the final (pre-edit) copy of my second book to be handed in for November.  It’s really good.  I’ve got such a good feeling about it.  This is a buzz book!  It’s crazy.  But it’s special.  It’s a bit weird and twisted, just like Conjuring The Infinite, but there is so much going on under the surface.   I have a title and I need to get on with rewrites.  So you’re going to be ignored for the forseeable future.  Poor diary!  I’m sorry but I can’t be with both of you.  I need to get this right.  I was thinking of getting my publisher to contact Belly Kids to do the cover art.  They’re bloody brilliant and I think they’d be perfect for the job.  I’m getting ahead of myself.  Finish the book first and then…

The Future

I’ll be rewriting over the next two months and I’m doing more school visits to promote Conjuring The Infinite.  Caldervale High School, Kilsyth Academy, Our Ladies High School, Clyde Valley Academy and – funnily enough – someone at my old high school has reached out to me for a visit.  So it’s promo and writing.  And there’s a nice little gig during Scottish Book Week in Falkirk.  Come and see me if you’re in the area.  I’d love it.

K x


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