Hello! I’m beaming this transmission in from a small room in geostationary orbit. If the transmission should break up then please activate the psionic booster, which is located on the planet Biliku in the constellation of Vorpaxia.
August is a big month for me because it’s the month I start my promotional tour. These dates have been book months in advance and I’ve been desperately looking forward to getting out there! The first date is a small one and it takes place in Cumbernauld Museum. It’s a pared down version of Irritable Vowel Syndrome. It’s free and you’ll be able to buy my book, which I’ll sign afterwards. My publisher also contacted me about an interview on BBC Reporting Scotland. I’ll head down to Largs at the end of the month for this interview. Last time I was interviewed for television, I subsequently discovered my sideburns were two different lengths. Yes…you will surely remember my horror at this being allowed to happen. My barber cuts hair for a living but I wanted to cut something else off as a result of what happened; sideburns at two different lengths is a horrifying to suffer! Seriously, it was nearly as painful as the time a local newspaper misquoted me.
Booksword, a teenage book group in Derby, will read and review Conjuring The Infinite in August.
Scottish Book Trust
I was recently asked in an interview whether I considered myself to be a performer or an author. I replied something to effect that in this day and age…authors need to be performers. Alan Bissett and Des Dillon (an influence on me) are never far from a theatre or pub or festival or library or bookshop. The Live Literature database is a collection of every author whose work has been published and who perform that work in public. It helps fund live events across the country. It pays for authors to travel up and down the nation. It’s a brilliant thing and I’m now a part of it. I can be summoned to appear at live events and it has already started!
The Norwegian Pop Goddess
I’m obsessed with ANNIE and I don’t mind telling the world about my obsession. I crowbar her into conversations far and wide. She isn’t the ginger orphan, of course. She’s an indie pop genius from Norway. I even had her feature in an early draft of Conjuring The Infinite during a scene in which she appears in a vision dressed as Boy George. She makes the sort of cool pop music that makes Pitchfork reviewers froth and slabber but also appeals to straight up lovers of pure pop music. She is about to release a new EP called A&R with her consumate pop husband and all-round pop genius Richard X. ANNIE is fully independent and responsible for one of the great lost pop albums of the last decade Anniemal. She kicked the door open for the likes of Charli XCX, Sky Ferreria, Ronika, Little Boots and La Roux. She also had Alex Kapranos play guitar on her second album. She’s clearly doing something right. I think she’s utterly brilliant. Her voice is a marvel. It can transform mediocre material into miracle. Wistful, playful, bitchy, witty, melancholic, harsh…it can be anything and everything.
Listen to ANNIE on SoundCloud – and then buy her EP next week.
Top Secret Second Novel
Shhh. Don’t tell anyone you’ve read this but it’s from the first draft of my next book. I’m not going to sit idle and be happy with one book. I’ve got many more planned and Strident Publishing have been incredibly supportive. Thank God!
“Mrs Stanza was surrounded by shop window dummies. The dummies were dressed up as her son and his strange friends. Every now and then Mrs Stanza spoke to the dummies…and in her splintered recollection they spoke back.”
And that is all you are getting for now!
Retro Gaming Night
I decided to try my luck at Shinobi and Mortal Kombat II:
Mortal Kombat II remains flawless after all of this time. A true classic.